How To Respond to Conflict and Sin in the Church

by Matthew Richard

Perhaps one of the most difficult things to do as Christians is to deal with one another during conflict or sin. Tragically, if Christians were to be graded on this, in many cases we would see that we have failed. Don’t get me wrong, the world messes this up quite badly, too. But as Christians, we have clear testimony in Scripture about how we should deal with these matters. It is worthwhile to remind ourselves of Scripture’s counsel regularly.

If someone offends you, it is important to first pause and examine whether you have actually been sinned against. Just because your feelings are hurt or you are offended, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have been sinned against. Sometimes, the truth hurts.

However, if you have indeed been sinned against by another Christian, what should you do? Perhaps you are able to lay the offense on Christ’s cross, knowing that love covers a multitude of sins. Perhaps you find yourself able to put the best construction on that fellow Christian and continue to love them in the name of Jesus. If so, then God be praised. However, perhaps the sin against you has really dug deep and wounded you greatly, or the sin or harm is ongoing. What then?

Jesus is straightforward in explaining this in Matthew 18:15–20: If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell them, work it out between the two of you.

Our sinful nature often leads us to at least two different responses. Firstly, instead of working the problem out with them directly, we often take the problem to others first. But if you go and tell a bunch of other people rather than going to the offender first, then you are just as guilty as they are. Think of it this way: When a sin happens between two people, it is a private sin. But if you go and tell a bunch of other people about the sin, you are taking something private and making it public without giving the other person an opportunity to privately apologize for it. By doing so, you are breaking the Eighth Commandment of bearing false witness.

A second sinful response is, instead of seeking resolution, to “play the victim.” Now, please hear me clearly: You may very well be a victim. But if, instead of seeking resolution and restoration with the person who has wronged you, you choose to hang your head low or walk around with a chip on your shoulder — trying to draw attention to yourself or to shame the other person — that is not following the Word of Jesus. That is to focus on and play up the wrong, rather than seeking forgiveness and restoration.

Now, let’s just say that you do talk to the person, and they won’t listen — they remain hardened and unrepentant. Then what? Well, if they do not listen, Jesus says to meet again, this time bringing one or two others along as witnesses. If restoration is achieved then, God be praised. However, if restoration is not achieved — if the person still doesn’t listen — then you and the witnesses are to tell the church, and the church will then admonish unto restoration, even to the point of casting them out if they will not repent (see Matt. 18:15–20 again).

But what if a sin happens publicly? I can remember many years ago, when I was a very, very young pastor, I was in a voters’ meeting and things got ugly. A member publicly attacked the senior pastor. He yelled, slammed his chair down, walked out of the fellowship hall and slammed the doors. Later that week, the senior pastor met up with the man, and they worked things out. Apologies were given and received. Forgiveness was applied. However, nothing was stated publicly. And so, everyone was holding their breath at the next voters’ meeting. The public sin was not publicly shown as reconciled.

I can remember another instance: A pastor became unhinged at a conference and attacked a bunch of other pastors ruthlessly. After the conference session, nobody wanted to confront the pastor because, well … that is just how he is. And so, this angry pastor alienated himself from others even more that day, isolating himself in his anger.

The point is this: We fail miserably when public sin is not reconciled publicly. (For dealing with public sin, see 1 Timothy 5:10 and Acts 16:37.)

Dear friends, we Christians often don’t deal with private sins privately but drag them into the public sphere. And we often fail to deal with public sins publicly, but sweep them under the rug or manage them behind the scenes.

In Galatians 6:1, the apostle Paul addresses another instance of sin in the congregation: when a Christian is trapped in a sin. Paul discusses the Christian in the church whose passions get the better of him. In the passage, Paul stresses that fellow Christians should not turn a blind eye, shake our heads with shame or act as if we are morally superior, but instead humbly and kindly bring our fallen brother or sister back to wholeness.

However, Paul also speaks a warning: A mature Christian should not snub or look down upon another caught in sin, or use that person’s failures to make himself feel better (Gal. 6:4–5). Instead, Christians who walk by the Spirit ought to gently and humbly help others ensnared in sin, knowing that the next time, it might be them ensnared. When a Christian realizes that the sins of their brothers and sisters are a danger to them as well, they then can treat their fallen brothers and sisters with gentleness and kindness while seeking to restore them in Christ.

This is a difficult topic. When we offend one another as Christians or are unexpectedly caught up in sin, it is not a small matter. During these difficult situations, if we Christians do not handle ourselves with humility, gentleness, integrity, love and forgiveness, people may find themselves estranged from the church with fractured faith, just as the devil desires. Keep in mind that in the church, our primary battle is not with other Christians but with the devil and his demons. The battle is with the sin that is in all of us, according to our old Adam.

And so, we are in this together under the grace of God. Each of us, as Christians, endures the same hard world, the same foul devil, the same stubborn old Adam. And yet, each of us has been forgiven, redeemed and claimed by God through Christ. And so, we walk in Jesus always being for each other — no matter the sin and no matter the conflict. Since we are in this together, we seek restoration and forgiveness at every opportunity. Indeed, because of Jesus, we share each other’s burdens; we are quick to confess and quick to forgive. Because there is more grace in Jesus than there is sin in us, we must not grow weary of doing good and extending grace and forgiveness to each other.

Photo: Stained glass at Risen Savior Lutheran Church depicting Nathan rebuking David (2 Samuel 12), on Sunday, March 31, 2019, in Basehor, Kan. LCMS Communications/Erik M. Lunsford